Recently I have had quite a few run-ins with the rules of social etiquette, and each run-in has left me thinking. It all started a few weeks ago, when I did a guest post on a local blog. He does not write a 'fashion' blog, but was hosting a fashion themed week in hopes of adding a fashion writer to his blog. I took some cues from some conversation we had had prior to writing the post, and than sent him my information. I included the picture you see below, of my outfit inspired by Khloe Kardashian. Not only was my post ( or most of the fashion posts to be frank) not well received, but I was shocked to discover that most of the commenters felt it necessary to leave their thoughts on Khloe's weight and not on my writing. Not only were they commenting on my post, but on other parts of his blog as well, and each comment ( except for Lyddie's! Thanks for being so sweet!) was about people's distain for my choice in inspiration. I was a bit shocked at people's opinion, but chalked it up to other blogs not fashion related simply not having readers as sweet.
For the last few weeks I've been working at a conference. One of our projects was to gather as a small group and discuss some different situations and come to a conclusion as a group as to our thoughts on the information we had been given. I had expected that gathering as a small group of strangers and agreeing on anything would be difficult. What I hadn't expected was just how different we all would view the rules of social grace. One of the group members would become red in the face and yell each time someone would ask him to explain his position on a matter. He would yell at both the older men and the women with just the same tone and fury. While each participant had handled the situation differently, it was his reaction and lack of concern for people around him that caught me the most off guard.
While having dinner with our friends this past weekend, one of our good friends and I got into a heated debate about musicians and their power of persuasion and things of the such. He and I are both people who tend to enjoy deep conversation and our opposite viewpoints lead to a lively discussion. Once we had left for the evening Johnny mentioned that while our friend and I may have been enjoying the conversation, it had left everyone else in the room feeling uncomfortable. I realized then that I had done what the group participant had done, and what all of those blog readers had done. I followed my own set of social etiquette rules, and in doing so left everyone around me shaking their heads. But what exactly are the standard rules of etiquette these days? It seems as if many people establishes their own rules and modifies them to various situations, but then what should you do once you realize that your rules aren't quite meshing with the rules of those around you ( as the the group participant, and later I had done). Is there a protocol for social grace?
6 comments:
I think the internet has erased the concept of social graces, since it is so easy to sit behind your computer screen and say what you want, when you want! Thanks for this post - it is really making me think about online behaviour!
P.S. Love those mustard pants with leopard print flats! :)
I completely agree K! With the internet taking up so much of our lives, we have less opportunity to speak to each other face to face, and I think have lost some of the social etiquette because of it.
Thanks for the compliment btw!
I agree the internet plays a role, but let's not narrow-cast. It is far more than just the internet. Phone calls, text messages, email's, instant messages etc. all play a role in the decline in what WAS social interaction.
In my personal opinion, it is based in stimulation. The way that young children are stimulated has changed so dramatically that to transition into what was considered to be "socially graceful" is nearly impossible. And a damn shame...
While the impact of words has no doubt been increased due to all the technology abound (online news, twitter, blogs..) the EFFECT of these words has diminished. So many voices, all of whom can he heard, and many of whom will never get a direct answer. We have created a world where no one has to wait there turn to speak, which in turn means no one truly ever has to listen. It is why the Greeks had large stones to stand on, why Parliament has lecterns, why judge's were given gavels and why preachers have pulpits. Conversation is dying a slow and painful death while grumbling is becoming the new norm.
It is only thought recognition of these issues by more young people that we can halt the progress by teaching OUR kids that listening is a part of conversation and WINNING is not.
Wonderful post....those pants are slowly growing on me ;)
I knew you'd see the wonder of those pants one day :)
I also agree with you. We need to listen to each other more. And maybe put some soapboxes around to give people a chance to speak and be heard.
Confession - - I haven't had a chance to read the whole post yet, but I just had to jump over and say marvelous outfit! I adore those pants so much!!
Well thank you so much Kim!
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