Walking into the restaurant however, I immediately felt out of place. Surprisingly, I felt under dressed. All of the bridesmaids looked as though they were attending a lawyer convention following the shower. They all looked great, but with all of the black professional attire, I couldn't help but want to hide my shoes under my chair. It has been years since I have felt that uncomfortable in what I wore. I spent most of high school always feeling out of place, and I think that that is largely what has inspired me so. In the last 5 years, I have not felt out of place in almost any way. In the last 2 years especially I have become much more comfortable with the person I am, and the clothes I like to put myself into. That Saturday morning though, I felt like I was thrown right back into my 15 year old self. It's amazing too, when you loose a bit of confidence in how you're presenting yourself, you loose a bit of who you are. I was timid to join conversation and spent most of the morning sitting at the table talking with friends. Even as we piled back into the car I felt out of place. Wedding showers can be awkward themselves if you aren't familiar with the families, which was a large part of the situation in this case. But to be greeted by 5 ladies who didn't really do much in the way of greeting, and who were dressed professionally, it was hard to enjoy myself. We mingled for 15 minutes, ate breakfast, opened gifts and left. There were no games or mixers, and no opportunity for me to talk to anyone who was sitting at any table that wasn't mine. There wasn't much involvement for the mothers of the bride and groom and the gift opening went fast as the bride already knew what she was getting. The whole experience made me sad really.
The night of the shower we all got together to send Jake off. The army let him come home for 3 days before his flight to Kuwait took off. It was so great to see him and spend some more time with him. This isn't his first deployment and he was much more sentimental this time around. His brother is the groom of the shower I attended, so I got to spend some actual time with the bride talking and hanging out. Both the bride and the groom were dressed in flannel jackets, the perfect attire for our March campfire in the back yard. The bride and groom are a fun couple and she told me that she felt awkward, put on the spot and completely out of place at her own shower. That made me feel a bit better. At least I wasn't the only one. A few days later, Johnny had shared that the night of the fire he had been talking to one of the friends I went to the shower with. When he asked her how it was, she said that she felt totally out of place. She felt uncomfortable being there, she felt under dressed since the bridesmaids were dressed for a work meeting, and even though she knew most of the brides family, she felt small and timid. My jaw dropped for a bit as he said all of this. I hadn't yet had an opportunity to tell him about the shower and was astonished as he described all of my feelings in the words of our good friend. I guess it really was just like high school than, because no-one felt like they had bought the right gift, wore the right thing or came prepared for the brunch. No-one felt comfortable being there. It's sad news for the bride, but I don't think anyone would tell her that that's how they felt anyways.
The shower knocked me off of the dressing game for a few days. Between the uncomfortable feelings, to being over worked at work and school last week I found myself turning to my old favorites, almost always paired with my Suede Clogs. (http://sequinissues.blogspot.com/2009/03/suede-clogs.html)As the weather continues to get nicer, my wardrobe continues to evolve for the new season, and that can almost always leave a girl feeling a little lost. After a week of little effort waking up this morning I felt better as I wandered into my closet. Ready to get back into my current side activity. If time had been on my side this morning I would have gotten together a sassy look. No better way to greet the warmer weather than with a sassy look to match my ever changing attitude. Hopefully as I wander around work and school in my suede clogs, I will find a proper goodbye and I put them away into a temporary retirement for a few weeks.